Back to the land of the living.

I'm finally coming out of the woods here. I'm still tired, and I'm still coughing but I now just feel sick, not sick. I was able to hang out with my family a bit today, and I'm back to a tiny bit of organizing- that which makes me most me.

One of the things that I have been doing while home sick is stepping up my reading about raising a child of a different race. I personally feel that it is a big responsibility, making the choice to adopt internationally. Not only do we have the typical job of raising a healthy, happy child, but we have the job of making sure that we do the best job we possibly can of exposing him to his birth culture and then additionally supporting him as he faces the inevitable racism directed at him as a Latino man living in North America. Some days I wonder how on earth as a white girl raised in the burbs that I can even make a reasonable dent.

And then I take a deep breath. One step at a time. Step one is reading. Step two is thinking. Step three is acting. And for me, this means becoming an anti-racist parent. What may read to some as my 'losing my sense of humor' or 'overreacting' is an important choice I have made to not tolerate racist comments or jokes of any sort in my space, or my son's space. It means calling people out when they inadvertently (or deliberately) make a racist comment, and doing the best I can do personally to address my own racism that exists simply because of the culture within which I have been raised.

I recently started spending quite a bit of time on the blog called Anti-Racist Parent (I recommend this site to all of my readers with kids.) This week there was a link to a reading challenge called "Diversity Rocks!". It is a challenge to make a commitment to reading a certain number of books this year that were written by people of color. I challenge YOU to check it out and consider participating. Leave a comment if you decide to do it- I like to know that I'm in good company.

OK
Now for a few tidbits.

1. Julian keeps asking me if I'm better, then suggesting things that will make me feel better. One day I was sitting on the floor and he grabbed my head and moved it slowly back and forth. "Dat make you feel bedduh." The next night? "Kiss my foot mommy, dat make you feel bedduh." And today his offer? "You want my milky? Dat make you feel bedduh." So sweet.

2. Jon brought Julian to a birthday party that was at the local children's museum. There was a TV just at kid height showing Bob the Builder (no, we don't watch it) and when Julian saw it he ran at the TV, bounced off it, threw himself on the ground hysterical laughing, turned to his friend Megan and said "Megan, do this!" as he did it again. Megan looked at him like he was insane and Jon suddenly understood the innate difference between boys and girls.

3. Swim class continues to be a weekly event for Julian and Jon. Julian can now hold his breath and put his head underwater to blow bubbles. He lays on his back on the tub submerging his ears- just like I remember doing as a kid- everything sounds so cool like that.

4. Although Julian is a very good eater (knock on wood) I have been trying to slightly vary the foods he is being exposed to. I refuse to let his food allergies and sensitivities limit the breadth of his food options. Last night we had a Persian beef stew that someone made for us- containing garbanzo beans and cauliflower and flavored with, among other things, turmeric and lemon. He loved it. The night before we had brown rice pasta (our substitution) with a french lentil, carmelized onion and kale topping (we skipped the bread topping.) Another favorite lately is this simple recipe for roasted garlic green beans...I sprinkle them with truffle salt when they're done and call them "green bean french fries." Mmmm mmmm good!

5. My aunt sent Julian a package today. We handed it to him and he said "it's a hippo?!" I laughed and said "No, Julian, it's not a hippo, it's probably clothes." Well Julian opened the package and it was indeed clothing, including this hat and a sweatsuit with hippo zippers. Um...



And just for fun, one last shot.
Here I am with my mask on...feeding the elephant.


xo
s

Sigh.

OK I'm still sick. Took another trip to the ER (this time via ambulance) on Thursday because I had a spasm of my upper airway (called a laryngospasm) that greatly reduced my ability to get air in or out. It resolved pretty swiftly but the paramedics thought I should be checked out/monitored for a little while.

One of our friends is an OB resident at the hospital so she came down to make sure they were taking good care of me. Then her fiancé sat with me from 9pm-1:30am, and drove me home when I was released (since Jon was obviously home with Jules.) Thank you Eric and Laura!

No one is 100% sure why it happened but my voice had completely gone as of Thursday afternoon and was gone until this morning. The thought is that I was already inflamed and irritated and that some mucus (sorry mom) just got stuck and caused the spasm.

In any case it hasn't happened again, my voice is starting to come back, and I am feeling ever so slightly better (if 1 is horrible and 10 is great, I've been at a 3-4 and now could say I'm at a solid 5) albeit nowhere near normal. The coughing now comes in fits instead of all the time. My sinuses are much less painful. My fever is down to about 99. The muscles between my ribs are starting to relax a little bit.

I think that's all good!!

Julian is a trouper. He asks me every time he sees me if I'm better. I tell him soon, baby, soon.

There are lots of fun day to day things that Jon and Julian are up to...zoo, birthday parties, parks, the science museum (Jon is trying to keep Julian busy so I can rest) but I have no stories as I'm sadly missing it all. The good news though is that this too shall pass and we'll all find this to be a distant memory before we know it.

I have to say that I can't wait to post something a bit more uplifting.

Thanks to everyone sending love, and everyone offering help around here.

A few pics...

Julian took this. I LOVE the composition.


I accidentally erased the front shot of this. Jon was bummed.



I'll keep you posted.

xo
s

sorry no updates

i'm still really sick. yesterday was at the er with a fever of 102. today i see the infectious disease specialist at the university hospital. i am WORN OUT.

julian is coming down with what i pray is only a cold. jon has a big deadline on friday.

there are a few cute new photos but i can't even deal with uploading them right now.

please think good thoughts for me!

xo
s

And another update.

I'm starting to feel a bit better, but slowly. I cannot believe how this thing has hit me. I'll see a few patients tomorrow and hopefully be back up to almost regular schedule next week. The doctor said my lungs are clearing but I'm in a 'cycle' of coughing so she wants me to take codeine throughout the day to calm things down. I didn't want to at first but I have to say it is such a relief to stop coughing...SUCH a relief.

Julian is doing great, especially now that I can hang with him a bit. He was missing his mommy, for sure.

Jon is a rockstar, as usual, and is holding everything together while working and doing 100% of Julian duty. I am one lucky lady.

Thanks everyone for your well wishes, cards, etc. It means the world to me...

Here is our modern baby.

Update

It's been a long week but things are starting to look up.

I tend to be allergic to antibiotics and sure enough I had a reaction to the med that they gave me this time. I broke out head to toe in hives...on the palms of my hands, around my eyes, so many on my legs they all mushed into each other to become one giant hive. So they switched my antibiotic but I was on so much antihistamine (claritin AND 2 benadryl every 4 hours- still having breakthrough hives, by the way) that I was worried that I would have a reaction to the new antibiotic and wouldn't know it until it was too late. So I stopped and went back to the doctor. Turns out, after my doctor consulted with an infectious disease specialist and a pulmonologist that there is a simple blood test they are now doing to assess whether or not antibiotics are necessary.

I was on pins and needles as they decided if the level was low it meant I didn't need antibiotics, but if it was high I would have to check into the hospital for the new antibiotic so I could be monitored. It was low, thank god. (Too bad no one came up with that idea last week though...)

So now I'm looking at continuing the antihistamines until the hives are gone- 4-5 days probably, and resting until my lungs are better. My cough is still pretty bad but I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore. I'm heading home today and my mom will be here through the weekend (I am so incredibly grateful that she has been able to be here to help my boys...)

Thanks everyone for your calls, kind words, and thoughts.

xo
-s

Did I say "sick"? I meant SICK.

Tuesday I got sick. Thursday I went to the doctor. The flu swab was negative and I was relieved... for about 24 hours. My fever was still up around 101 (even on Advil) on Friday afternoon and I decided to order myself a chest x-ray 'just in case'. They were able to squeeze me in before they closed for the night.

Sure enough I have f*ing double pneumonia. My mom was still on the West Coast at my sister's in SF and she got on a plane and flew up here to help Jon. I am on strict orders to rest, with no work for another week. I was terrified that Julian would get sick, and I am in constant motion doing stuff at home so I actually checked into a hotel for a few days. It would be like an awesome vacation except for the pain in my chest, splitting headache, constant coughing and fever.

I'm spending my time reading, watching TV, and just plain thinking. Thinking about what is really going on that I would get this sick. Gonna need to be makin' some changes.

I'll ask Jon to gather some good J stories this week and I'll try to post. Don't count your chickens though- I'm busy resting.

Sick.

My advil has kicked in and my fever is down to just under 101. Can't even imagine creating an interesting post right now so I'll just post some pics. My mom was here this weekend and it was just amazing to see her with the boy. My heart just melted.

The elephant from my mom came in this box. Can't say which was a bigger hit. OK, the elephant was, but this was super cute.




Jon told Julian Becca was here to give mommy a massage just like he sometimes massages Julian's legs (restless boy at bedtime settles a bit with some leg massage) and Julian took one look at Becca and pulled his socks off and stuck out his feet. Too cute.



Visit with the girls and their boys.


Special delivery.


A recent art piece by Juilan. For real.